You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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