You're my little dorito
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
