Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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