she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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