I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
