I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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