I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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