I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
