Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Randomize
