just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i came on her dog
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
