we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
