Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
