OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
