everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
