Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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