I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
