I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
