Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
