Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
