whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
