So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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