Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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