I'm eating all of the evidence.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have feelings that need drinking.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
