i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
