R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
