New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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