i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
