My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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