I'm jealous of your bromance
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
