conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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