Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize