Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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