what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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