Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
