My first STD was from a foam party
i just had sex bonerless
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
