i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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