yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
