Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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