I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
