can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
