I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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