hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
