We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
