Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
