A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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