Don't you send me to vm
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
