Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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