then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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