oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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