Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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