Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
