just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
