If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
