How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
