I am in a vortex of obligation.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
