new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
