I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
