a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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