Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
