I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
