Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just pee around me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
