I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
