I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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