i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
