Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
