I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
